This is a hard post to write.
I have gotten into the habit since having kids of hiding my feelings and not showing a lot of emotion; such as crying or anger. As the days go by this is becoming harder and harder for me to do. Mostly out of frustration at my current situation of being completely helpless to do anything for my family that so desperately need help and support.
A little back story of the subject, because I have remained relatively quiet on the matter. Mostly I just don't know what to think or feel at this point anymore.
Last June my Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor and underwent surgery. Most of the tumor was removed, but there is still the possibility with this type of cancer that it will come back. All seemed well. Then he began to develop complications such as pneumonia, blood clots, and seizures. It seemed with every step forward we have taken about 10 steps backwards.
When I flew down there with both boys during Christmas, it seemed as though maybe he was making good improvements and might actually be able to come home and recover there, instead of the rehab facility that he hated so much.
His time at home lasted maybe a month and he ended up back in the hospital. Even after he was taken off all of the medications that make a person drowsy, he still seems like he is in his own world. His past, present, and make believe world have all melded together to form his new reality. (Sometimes with humorous results!)
Since Dad has not completely come back after all of this time, I have a feeling that the "old" Dad I knew is gone and has been replaced with this new person. The loss I feel for the man I knew is deep. At times it almost feels like he is gone completely. I still love him very much and he will always be my Dad; just have to envision a new way of looking at things.
The reality of it all is that my Dad is here but not here all at the same time and I continue to look back and think of all of the things I should have said or talked to him about before all of this happened. Moral of this story is that you never know what you have until it is gone and because of it, I try to not get too grumpy when my children wake me up early or keep me up all night, because one day they won't need their mommy to snuggle with them and that is the time when I will need them.
Saturday, April 11, 2015
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Birds and Bees
It's time to talk about the birds and the bees...Not THAT talk! I sincerely hope that your parents have already had that discussion with you. I'm talking about the weird animals and bugs that call this strange land home.
When we lived in Oregon the worst "bug" you could have in your house was a wasp or ants, down here that would be just par for the course. Spiders and cockroaches are basically everywhere. The spiders are awful; huge daddy long-legs, black widows, those nasty big brown spiders, and of course, my friend the tarantula.
Thankfully for my heart and nerves, these big ones don't come out in the open very often and are pretty docile unless provoked. No worries from me, I don't like being within 10 feet of one. If I had had a gun at the time...
Cockroaches have become the bane of my existence! It is true that they would be the only living things, besides Keith Richards, that would survive a nuclear holocaust. Thankfully, our house that we bought is on a concrete foundation so that seems to help keep the population down in the house.
Then there is this lovely bug, which I have only had the pleasure of coming into contact with only twice thank GOD!
This is the American version of a camel spider, and are relatively harmless, just really super creepy! They like the dark cooler parts of the house, but all of these bugs have turned me into something of an OCD cleaner, even more than I was before, if that can be believed.
There are fun creatures down here. My neighbors have turtles that live in their yard and T is always finding lizards like this one:
A horned toad. T has also found lots of little lizards, but they are waaaay too speedy to be caught.
The amount of doves that are down here is crazy! I always thought that doves and pigeons were the same, and they are to a point. The only difference that I have seen is that the doves are pretty and not nearly as annoying.
One bird species down here that I don't like at all is called a Grackel (I think that is how it is spelled). These birds are annoying and obnoxious like you wouldn't believe! Imagine a cross between a Magpie and a Starling. Not pretty at all. They are kind of aggressive as well. I've been dive-bombed in parking lots before. All I want to do is shoot them all, but I'm sure its highly illegal and they are probably protected...*Sigh*...
These are just some of the creatures down here. I'm sure that the longer I live down here the more I will see. I'll keep ya posted!
When we lived in Oregon the worst "bug" you could have in your house was a wasp or ants, down here that would be just par for the course. Spiders and cockroaches are basically everywhere. The spiders are awful; huge daddy long-legs, black widows, those nasty big brown spiders, and of course, my friend the tarantula.
Remember this guy?
Thankfully for my heart and nerves, these big ones don't come out in the open very often and are pretty docile unless provoked. No worries from me, I don't like being within 10 feet of one. If I had had a gun at the time...
Cockroaches have become the bane of my existence! It is true that they would be the only living things, besides Keith Richards, that would survive a nuclear holocaust. Thankfully, our house that we bought is on a concrete foundation so that seems to help keep the population down in the house.
Not the best picture of a cockroach, but it will do.
My other hated pest is the scorpion. They are creepy and scary and make my skin crawl! The joke in our house when we first moved in was to never step into a dark room until you turned on the light because we were constantly finding scorpions. After research, found out that they LOVE cardboard (moving boxes), dirty floors (I was in the process of cleaning the house still), and tall dead vegetation (which there was a ton!). We have taught R to not touch ANY bug he sees because of these bad boys. The sting supposedly feels like a wasp, but I don't feel like finding out!
The sound they make when skittering on the cardboard about makes you wet your pants!
Then there is this lovely bug, which I have only had the pleasure of coming into contact with only twice thank GOD!
There are fun creatures down here. My neighbors have turtles that live in their yard and T is always finding lizards like this one:
The amount of doves that are down here is crazy! I always thought that doves and pigeons were the same, and they are to a point. The only difference that I have seen is that the doves are pretty and not nearly as annoying.
One bird species down here that I don't like at all is called a Grackel (I think that is how it is spelled). These birds are annoying and obnoxious like you wouldn't believe! Imagine a cross between a Magpie and a Starling. Not pretty at all. They are kind of aggressive as well. I've been dive-bombed in parking lots before. All I want to do is shoot them all, but I'm sure its highly illegal and they are probably protected...*Sigh*...
These are just some of the creatures down here. I'm sure that the longer I live down here the more I will see. I'll keep ya posted!
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
Being a lineman wife
Being a lineman's wife is a lonely job at times.
I'm not complaining about how hard my husband works, because he works extremely hard. A power lineman does not necessarily have a set schedule, especially when he is on call. They are done when the job is done and that can sometimes be a couple of days later.
When T gets called out I always dread it, wondering if he is going to be home in an hour or 30 hours later. The unknown is stressful! My biggest fear is the job itself. Lineman have a very dangerous job and at one point in history it was in the top 3 for the deadliest profession. Thankfully, it is not as dangerous now, but still has an element of danger.
Everytime T walks out that door to go to work, I always say a little prayer to keep him safe and bring him home to his family.
Back to my original point: because T works such long and crazy hours, it makes it hard to have him there to help parent our two boys all the time. There have been some days that I do feel like a single parent, but I know that he helps as much as possible, even when he is exhausted after a long day at work. I'm not complaining, honestly. Just wanted to vent a little about how lonely it can be as a lineman's wife.
When T first started this career, I did not believe it would be this crazy. Even though I saw this with my sister-in-law and her husband, I just thought maybe it was because he was a journeyman and the Co-Op needed him to work more. Sadly, I think T works more because he is a lineman apprentice, basically everyones go-fer at work.
So if anybody wants to visit me so I'm not as lonely for adult conversation, please do! We have plenty of room!
I'm not complaining about how hard my husband works, because he works extremely hard. A power lineman does not necessarily have a set schedule, especially when he is on call. They are done when the job is done and that can sometimes be a couple of days later.
When T gets called out I always dread it, wondering if he is going to be home in an hour or 30 hours later. The unknown is stressful! My biggest fear is the job itself. Lineman have a very dangerous job and at one point in history it was in the top 3 for the deadliest profession. Thankfully, it is not as dangerous now, but still has an element of danger.
Everytime T walks out that door to go to work, I always say a little prayer to keep him safe and bring him home to his family.
Back to my original point: because T works such long and crazy hours, it makes it hard to have him there to help parent our two boys all the time. There have been some days that I do feel like a single parent, but I know that he helps as much as possible, even when he is exhausted after a long day at work. I'm not complaining, honestly. Just wanted to vent a little about how lonely it can be as a lineman's wife.
When T first started this career, I did not believe it would be this crazy. Even though I saw this with my sister-in-law and her husband, I just thought maybe it was because he was a journeyman and the Co-Op needed him to work more. Sadly, I think T works more because he is a lineman apprentice, basically everyones go-fer at work.
So if anybody wants to visit me so I'm not as lonely for adult conversation, please do! We have plenty of room!
Friday, March 6, 2015
Hippie I guess...
Going grocery shopping with two kids under the age of 3 is an experience all on its own; especially if you do it by yourself. We (me plus babies) went grocery shopping today for a few things I didn't manage to get last time I went to Wally World. This time, however, I drove to the local Albertson's. Mostly just was not in the mood to deal with Walmartians, but also because I had not been to this store yet, figured what the hell, why not?
I did my usual routine before heading in for battle (I mean shopping) which entails transferring my wallet and coupon book to the diaper bag, strapping TT (baby #2) to my chest with the baby carrier, and unloading R. I can only imagine how interesting I must look to people, today was no exception.
Walk into Albertson's, grabbed my cart, put R into cart and started to push cart to an out of the way spot so I could orient myself to the store and get my list out. Right off the bat I hear to the right side of me: "Is that a baby in there? How cool! Never seen that before!" I look around for the voice and it turns out to be the pharmacist! I politely reply to the question and move the carrier enough to show the proof of existence and keep on walking as they look like they want to chat more, but I have two time-bombs and don't want to waste any time.
Walking through the aisles passing people, they all pause and look at the front of me trying to figure out what I am wearing. Starting to feel a little awkward, but what can you do? Stop shopping and leave the store with a bag on my head? Nope, kept on trucking and just tried to ignore the blatant "WTF?!?" stares.
Finally finish my shopping and get into the check-out line. EVERYONE is staring at me in the line.
I'm beginning to think people down here have never seen something like this before. Guess I'm just enough of a "hippie" to think people are overreacting to a baby strapped to someones chest. Gonna have to start calling myself a "hippie-hick".
I did my usual routine before heading in for battle (I mean shopping) which entails transferring my wallet and coupon book to the diaper bag, strapping TT (baby #2) to my chest with the baby carrier, and unloading R. I can only imagine how interesting I must look to people, today was no exception.
Walk into Albertson's, grabbed my cart, put R into cart and started to push cart to an out of the way spot so I could orient myself to the store and get my list out. Right off the bat I hear to the right side of me: "Is that a baby in there? How cool! Never seen that before!" I look around for the voice and it turns out to be the pharmacist! I politely reply to the question and move the carrier enough to show the proof of existence and keep on walking as they look like they want to chat more, but I have two time-bombs and don't want to waste any time.
Walking through the aisles passing people, they all pause and look at the front of me trying to figure out what I am wearing. Starting to feel a little awkward, but what can you do? Stop shopping and leave the store with a bag on my head? Nope, kept on trucking and just tried to ignore the blatant "WTF?!?" stares.
Finally finish my shopping and get into the check-out line. EVERYONE is staring at me in the line.
I'm beginning to think people down here have never seen something like this before. Guess I'm just enough of a "hippie" to think people are overreacting to a baby strapped to someones chest. Gonna have to start calling myself a "hippie-hick".
Dun...dun...dun...Dentist!
So R, my oldest, decided to bash himself in the face over the weekend with one of his toys. Great...guess he needed his first dental check-up anyway. Still being kind of new to the area and now knowing what dentist to go to I googled "Lovington Dentists" and came across a Dr. Jerry James. Needless to say, I was nervous. I kept looking to see if I there were any bad reviews or ratings on the dentist, but I couldn't find anything, so I called and set up an appointment for R and myself.
Anxious...nervous...uptight...and then there was R, who could have cared less. All of my fears were not justified, because the office staff were WONDERFUL! I was pleasently surprised and they did really well with R and said that he only scraped his gums and should heal in a few days. R had a blast playing with all of the little toys and walking around with the staff while mommy got worked on and her check-up.
The dental hygenist was fabulous and asked where I was from, because I obviously wasn't a native. When she found out I was from Oregon, lots of questions started flowing my way. It's really difficult to answer when there are fingers and tools in ones mouth, but I did my best. People are extremely curious about the Northwest down here, I think its because of the green, trees, and mountains. All of which they don't have!
My check-up went well considering it had been at least 3 years since my last dental visit. Sadly, I have to go back later this month to have two fillings done! I have two cavities! How awful, but it could be worse...I could have T's teeth!
Anxious...nervous...uptight...and then there was R, who could have cared less. All of my fears were not justified, because the office staff were WONDERFUL! I was pleasently surprised and they did really well with R and said that he only scraped his gums and should heal in a few days. R had a blast playing with all of the little toys and walking around with the staff while mommy got worked on and her check-up.
The dental hygenist was fabulous and asked where I was from, because I obviously wasn't a native. When she found out I was from Oregon, lots of questions started flowing my way. It's really difficult to answer when there are fingers and tools in ones mouth, but I did my best. People are extremely curious about the Northwest down here, I think its because of the green, trees, and mountains. All of which they don't have!
My check-up went well considering it had been at least 3 years since my last dental visit. Sadly, I have to go back later this month to have two fillings done! I have two cavities! How awful, but it could be worse...I could have T's teeth!
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Coffee Addiction
Being that I am from the Northwest, I, of course, am very much addicted to coffee. My small home town that I grew up in had 4 coffee shops in a town of 10,000. Moving down here, there are a total of one, and it doesn't even have a drive-thru!
A drive-thru might not seem like such a big deal, but remember that I have 2 small children, so to have to walk inside to get a coffee on my way to grocery shop, is a pain in the rear. Although I should be thankful for what this small town has.
When I go to the neighboring larger city of Hobbs to grocery shop about once a month, I will sometimes get a coffee at the local Starbucks. Unfortunately, Starbucks has gone down hill and they just aren't as good as they used to be, not too mention that they are extremely expensive. The really funny thing is that not many people knew what Starbucks was and that little shop has only been there less than a year.
Coffee is an important part of my life, especially with having 2 small kids. So to combat the problem of a lack of decent coffee, I have had to order it in. At the present I think that I am the farthest person that Sorbenots has ever shipped coffee too. Thank goodness for their House Blend! We tend to hoard it when it comes in and use it sparingly.
My coffee addiction is so bad that I finally broke down and bought a Keurig to use along with our drip coffee maker. Sad, I know. But a mommy's gotta do what a mommy's gotta do when it comes to survival! So until this small New Mexico town acquires a Dutch Bros. or some other decent drive-thru coffee shop, I will continue to order my coffee from home and remember how wonderful it was to be able to get a coffee while my butt stayed in my vehicle...such dreams....
A drive-thru might not seem like such a big deal, but remember that I have 2 small children, so to have to walk inside to get a coffee on my way to grocery shop, is a pain in the rear. Although I should be thankful for what this small town has.
When I go to the neighboring larger city of Hobbs to grocery shop about once a month, I will sometimes get a coffee at the local Starbucks. Unfortunately, Starbucks has gone down hill and they just aren't as good as they used to be, not too mention that they are extremely expensive. The really funny thing is that not many people knew what Starbucks was and that little shop has only been there less than a year.
Coffee is an important part of my life, especially with having 2 small kids. So to combat the problem of a lack of decent coffee, I have had to order it in. At the present I think that I am the farthest person that Sorbenots has ever shipped coffee too. Thank goodness for their House Blend! We tend to hoard it when it comes in and use it sparingly.
My coffee addiction is so bad that I finally broke down and bought a Keurig to use along with our drip coffee maker. Sad, I know. But a mommy's gotta do what a mommy's gotta do when it comes to survival! So until this small New Mexico town acquires a Dutch Bros. or some other decent drive-thru coffee shop, I will continue to order my coffee from home and remember how wonderful it was to be able to get a coffee while my butt stayed in my vehicle...such dreams....
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Traveling with Children...
Can I just say that travel is never an easy feat for me. I love to fly about as much as I love going to the dentist. Add in 2 children and I might as well be having my wisdom teeth pulled again. At least I was able to sleep afterwards with some good drugs!
Right before Christmas I was to fly to Nevada to visit with my Dad, Step-Mom, and two brothers. Dad was in a rehab facility after having brain surgery and several set-backs since the surgery. Basically not doing the best and it had been almost a year and a half since I had seen everyone so I was really needing some family time despite the circumstances.
The bad part was I had to fly from Lubbock, Texas to Reno, Nevada with my two children...by myself...What the HELL was I THINKING?!?
I apparently wasn't and so agreed to the flight not thinking about how big a pain this would be. I wasn't worried about my 3 month old. Just stuff a boob in his face and he was a happy camper. When he wasn't eating he would sleep in his carrier on my chest. My 2 year old is a bundle of energy and I worried about keeping him close in the big airport in Vegas that I would be changing planes in and keep him from getting too bored while on the plane.
Two words: Monkey Back-pack! That thing saved my life. Even though it looked like I was walking my kid on a leash through the airport, I didn't care. At least I knew where he was at all times: stuck to my hand like glue. I never let go of that leash until I was strapped into my step-mom's car and heading over to see my Dad.
My other big mistake, besides traveling with kids, was on the flight over I had waaaaaaaay to many carry-ons. What can I say? I was a kid-travelin' virgin. Ended up over packing with those bags and on my return trip had it streamlined all into one bag. Much easier. The next time (God I hope not anytime soon) I travel with my babies I will know how to handle it so much better.
I have to give a shout out to all of the nice people that helped me when I looked like I might fall apart. There are a lot of very nice and kind people still in the world and I was extremely grateful for all of their help even if I didn't have the breath or energy to express my thanks. People, for the most part, are inherently kind and want to help. It made me feel as though there may be hope for humanity after all.
I survived my trip and my husband survived, for the most part, without us for almost 3 weeks. Even though New Mexico isn't where I grew up, it was sure nice to be able to come home to it. The trip did me good and I hope helped to lift spirits in Nevada.
Right before Christmas I was to fly to Nevada to visit with my Dad, Step-Mom, and two brothers. Dad was in a rehab facility after having brain surgery and several set-backs since the surgery. Basically not doing the best and it had been almost a year and a half since I had seen everyone so I was really needing some family time despite the circumstances.
The bad part was I had to fly from Lubbock, Texas to Reno, Nevada with my two children...by myself...What the HELL was I THINKING?!?
I apparently wasn't and so agreed to the flight not thinking about how big a pain this would be. I wasn't worried about my 3 month old. Just stuff a boob in his face and he was a happy camper. When he wasn't eating he would sleep in his carrier on my chest. My 2 year old is a bundle of energy and I worried about keeping him close in the big airport in Vegas that I would be changing planes in and keep him from getting too bored while on the plane.
Two words: Monkey Back-pack! That thing saved my life. Even though it looked like I was walking my kid on a leash through the airport, I didn't care. At least I knew where he was at all times: stuck to my hand like glue. I never let go of that leash until I was strapped into my step-mom's car and heading over to see my Dad.
My other big mistake, besides traveling with kids, was on the flight over I had waaaaaaaay to many carry-ons. What can I say? I was a kid-travelin' virgin. Ended up over packing with those bags and on my return trip had it streamlined all into one bag. Much easier. The next time (God I hope not anytime soon) I travel with my babies I will know how to handle it so much better.
I have to give a shout out to all of the nice people that helped me when I looked like I might fall apart. There are a lot of very nice and kind people still in the world and I was extremely grateful for all of their help even if I didn't have the breath or energy to express my thanks. People, for the most part, are inherently kind and want to help. It made me feel as though there may be hope for humanity after all.
I survived my trip and my husband survived, for the most part, without us for almost 3 weeks. Even though New Mexico isn't where I grew up, it was sure nice to be able to come home to it. The trip did me good and I hope helped to lift spirits in Nevada.
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